Adventures in Islam

Attention PC folks: read everything before you complain

Malaysia is an Islamic country, more on that in a minute, first a hotel story. I was in the most rat-holish of the rat hole guest houses there for three days, where, as I already mentioned, I was on the receiving end of some bug bites. I forgot to mention this huge cockroach the size of a computer mouse was traipsing around my room like it owned it. That is, until I pulled out my frisbee and repeatedly whacked it until there were two cockroach pieces and this layer of whitish roach goo in the middle.

The night before we went to the National Mosque, we watched Team America World Police with some conservative Muslims from the Northeast of Malaysia, which is basically like dirka dirkastan. These guys were awesome. I think they got the jokes. They wanted subtitles on so they could understand everything and after the movie was over this crowd of Germans and Muslims and Americans was quite entertained.

The next day we went into the Mosque and I had a stimulating intellectual conversation with a woman there. It did not, as you might imagine, go something like this.

Woman: I'm oppressed, dirka dirka.
Me: That's because your nationa, bakka bakka shakka, is not Christian, jihad dirka Allah.
Woman: You're right, Muhammed Allah bakka sherpa sherpa, I wish George Bush had a brother, makka makka bakka, so he could rule Malaysia and make is Christian and perfect like America, makka makka.
Me: Well guess what, jihad hakka hakka, he does, and he got his brother into office, dirka dirka, by disenfranchising some Jews, jihad bakka lakka dakka.
Woman: Sounds perfect, sherpa shapa.

That's not how it went. Actually she told me all sorts of interesting things about Islam and she gave me a this pile of literature on it. She may have been trying to convert me, I'm not sure. Beyond the whole Islam is a religion of peace shtick you get everywhere and really dont need to be told if you are a thinking person, the mosque was an interesting and even serence place. They had some large fountains that blocked out the chaos of KL. It was huge and could hold something like 12,000 people. And whatever they say, you never see terrorist coming out of Malaysia. That country is the most developed non-western country I have ever visited. English everywhere, Muslim Malays, Indians and Chinese, living, apparently, peacefully. I think the broad secret to racial harmony is that extremely unfashionable capitalist concept, fair economic growth. Exhibit A: Malaysia. That said, I like Vietnam better. Malaysia is so near the first world, it doesn't interest me as much as Vietnam. There are bigger questions here (I'm back in country). Flying to Saigon, hopefully, or Inshallah as the Musmlims would say, in one hour.

And thank you Monica. You were great putting up with our delay in Singapore. I might even forgive the shopping incident. The Second Book of Tod is in the pipes.